I took “Falls” to my first reader today. Very helpful. And frustrating. Oh well.
The main problem seems to be with signaling that phrases like “the ridge where ash trees grow” are actually the meanings of the various place names. I did originally have the meanings in quotation marks, but it looks ugly. So … italics? Does that come across clearly enough?
The three versions of this paragraph (yes, I’ve cut out Hawes):
V1:
The place names are ancient, and shape our lips to summon the alien past: Keld, Askrigg, Swinithwaite; the spring, the ridge where ash trees grow, the clearing made by burning. And Aysgarth of the falls; gap in the hills where oak trees stand.
V2:
The place names are ancient, and shape our lips to summon the alien past: Keld, Askrigg, Swinithwaite; “the spring”, “the ridge where ash trees grow”, “the clearing made by burning”. And Aysgarth of the falls; “gap in the hills where oak trees stand”.
V3:
The place names are ancient, and shape our lips to summon the alien past: Keld, Askrigg, Swinithwaite; the spring, the ridge where ash trees grow, the clearing made by burning. And Aysgarth of the falls; gap in the hills where oak trees stand.
Trying to find the balance between subtlety and clarity is a real struggle sometimes. Hmm.
